Chaos, Shamrocks and Easter

On March 23, 2008, I wrote:

Sometimes it can get quite lonely up on this beautiful hill. It is a child’s playground and was intended as such, but the events of the last few years have changed our dreams. Tragedy struck, but also, adulthood came for the boys we had built our lives around. One moved to California and took a wife, the last one we all expected to do so, did so first. One has built a thriving landscape business which keeps him quite busy, year-round and the other two are busy building their careers. And all the while, they, too, must deal with the tragedy that has so deeply touched their lives, and we are reminders of all of the loss.

They were a tight group of kids in high school. Their weekends were spent in the woods or working on cars or just being boys. Our door was a revolving door and when there was nothing to do, it was done at our house. They were an interesting, odd bunch, but they were so tight. And as normally expected, they all sort of did their own thing after high school but, they would regularly come back together and it was as if nothing had ever changed. They picked up where they left off.

When Elliot died, they were all right there for my husband and I while our other son was out of the country. And when he came home, they were at the farm for him, every time he came, so he wouldn’t have to be alone. Friends like that are rare in life. But when Allison died, it seemed the farm took on a spirit of sadness and the trips subsided somewhat.

In January, two of the group flew to California to bring their buddy and his wife home. It was another adventure to add to the already thick stack! Coming to the farm was one of the first places he wanted to come when he got back “home.”

It wasn’t until this past weekend that it finally was able to happen. Some even rearranged work schedules. One gave up, one last weekend, with a close friend that was moving away. I spent my Friday cleaning, forgoing the mopped floor, because I had been here before…it was senseless to mop BEFORE they came. And after work, two by two, they began to trickle in. Family came to see them all and food was plenty. Bonfires, pasture rides, four-wheeling, target practice and playing Wii. The house was alive again with a group of boys …hummm…men…acting as if no time had ever passed from those days long ago in their hometown. The four wheelers and one truck were muddy and they came back to get the other truck so they could get it muddy as well! I watched as they included the new wife and the “California girl” learned what one did without shopping malls and Starbucks. And she loved it! They wallowed on the furniture, left dirty clothes everywhere, ate everything in sight, looked for opportunities to aggravate “Momma Lynn” and turned our home into total chaos.

Saturday night, as I cooked their favorite meal, I stood at the stove and, in my heart, I felt the deepest sense of gratitude as the chaos around me felt so much like home. It had been a long time since it had felt this alive! And it felt like Elliot was right here with us!

Sunday, we returned from church to a house full, playing Wii. Our son came in from being out on the four wheeler…”You bunch of losers, it’s a beautiful day outside and y’all are in here playing video games.” The game was over and off they went for one last romp in the four wheelers and trucks. I stood on the hill and listened and watched and it seemed that all was right with the world.

Elliot had a shamrock tattoo. Why would I tell you that now? After all had left and I swept the horrifically dirty floor, I, wisely, chose not to mop, I looked down in the rubble of the weekend to find in the midst of the pile…a shamrock.

Today, we celebrate emptiness, we celebrate the unknown, the unexpected, the chaos of not knowing…don’t you think that is some of what Jesus’ followers were feeling many years ago following his brutal death? And then they discover an empty grave? Someone stole his body? Now that is insult to injury!

But then they turn around and he is there…He is ALIVE! It had to be as difficult to comprehend then as it is now. But HE LIVES! HE LIVES! And because HE LIVES we can celebrate the new life he brings to our emptiness, the anticipation of new life in the unknown, the warmth, the joy, the gratitude in the unexpected and the peace He brings in the chaos.

Last weekend, I got to experience Easter! To GOD be the Glory!

Lynn