“Question: when is murder NOT a hate crime? Don't think people usually murder people they like.”

It was a post on Facebook, you know, that place where everyone wants to share a piece of their mind? I joined out of “peer” pressure but have been pleased to make connections with friends from the past that have been lost in transitions, but I wonder why I remain. I can’t remember the last time I posted a “status” about myself. And then someone comes out with a statement like this…someone who knows me and our story.

It goes to show, that even when we should know, we don’t know. I have learned in the past eight years, beyond a shadow of a doubt…we never really know what God is up to. We can fool ourselves into thinking we have it all together. We can make our own plans and march to them. But in the end, if we have given our lives to God, He will win out and our lives are nothing like we have planned.

Have you seen the plaque, “We make plans. God laughs?” I wonder if sometimes we make plans and God weeps.

Why would God weep? Because He knows how disappointed we will be, how hurt we will be when all our best laid plans fall apart.

What does all this have to do with murder and “hate crimes”? “When is murder NOT a hate crime?” When a young man has been coddled and recued time and time again when he has made bad decisions. When the same young man is allowed to live, at the age of 22 in his mother’s home and begin to obsess about guns and fixate on a deadly infatuation of curiosity. “I wonder what it would be like to kill someone in cold blood.” Words spoken just the night before. A crime of hate…no. A crime of sick and obsessive thought gone mad.

I saw it in my spirit, when I first heard it.  I could see him come in the room and like a little boy playing cowboys and Indians, pick up the gun and point it going, “pow, pow,” in his head. Only this time the “pow pow” was real and there was no, “okay, this time you be the cowboy.”

These weren’t five or six year olds, playing in Mom’s kitchen. These were young men, old friends who had gone separate ways, visiting, sharing music, and talking over drinks in the wee hours of the morning.

Sin is deadly. Especially when it allowed to fester in the mind and idle curiosities are fed and nurtured to grow. He was “playing a game” as he played out in his mind the curiosity of what it would be like to kill someone in cold blood. But it was just a curiosity, a game…in his mind, until…he realized the gun was loaded and the only person who was ever a real friend to him lay dead on the floor.  He loved the young man that lay dead on the floor, yet his life fell at his hands.

We all lost so much that morning. I know because it was my son whose life was so tragically taken as he sat at the kitchen table that morning, never knowing what hit him.

Someone at church, said the other night, “if someone murders someone, they should be given six months to get their life right with God and then be executed. The Bible says an ‘eye for an eye’.” I thought of this young man sitting in prison and even though he will be getting out soon, much to our dismay, I still could not find it in my spirit to be okay with that. His death would not bring our son back, nor would it make me feel more like justice had been served.

I thought of Paul, as Saul. He was brutal and murdered Christians. As Saul, that was his “lot in life.” But the hand of God touched him and he became Paul and so much of the New Testament is written by Paul himself. Down through the ages of our Holy history, were murders, schemers, people who obsessed with a seed of sin and let it grow in their hearts until they acted on it, not even thinking clearly because the sinful thoughts had become such a power in their lives. But yet, the Holy One, the Omnipresent One, the Sovereign One touched each situation and turned it into one for His glory and His purposes. I can only pray that God will touch our son’s friend in the same way. Now that would be some Glory to God!

“We make plans and God laughs,”… I can’t believe for a moment that God “laughed” as I planned for providing a future of opportunities for my children, as I dreamed of the girls my boys would marry and become the mothers of my grandchildren. No, I believe God was saddened for me, for the broken dreams and heart I would endure over the loss of my son as he was about to embark on all the world had to offer.  But even for the pain I have and continue to endure at times, moments of gratitude well up in me, as I think of the gift of a beautiful soul and attitude of fun and compassion he left us with. In the moment God spoke to my spirit, “Lynn, would you have rather never had him at all?” I was changed forever. I would take nothing for the 21 years we had with him!

I weep, God weeps but then hope rises as we begin to realize in the passing of time, God’s plans are so much more magnificent and glorious than anything we could ever imagine!

A “hate crime”? My spirit knows it was not. Just sin gone bad and out of control. That, my friend, is when murder is NOT a hate crime. And I believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God can touch the heart of the sinner and make them a powerful voice for His kingdom of glory. He did it with Paul. He did it with David. He did it with Joseph’s brothers. He touched my heart of broken sinfulness and made me whole. And for that, I will eternally be filled with gratitude.

We are all one step away from the ravages of sin. “There, but by the grace of God, go I.” May His protective Glory, rest on you and

To GOD be the Glory!